Dec 19 2006
Alternative (Much Shorter) Version of Lord of the Rings
Scene: The Council of Elrond
Elrond: It is decided. The Ring shall be cast into Mount Doom. The Ringbearer and the Fellowship shall journey to Mordor.
Radagast the Brown: (arrives) Hellooo! So sorry I’m late. Had a terrible time of it, all sorts of things cropping up at the last minute and all. My advice is never try to drink a Beorning under the table. What’s all this, then?
Gandalf the Grey: The Fellowship is tasked with destroying the One Ring of Power.
Radagast: Ah, good idea, about bloody time if you ask me. How, exactly?
Elrond: The Ring shall be cast into Mount Doom. The Ringbearer and the Fellowship shall journey to Mordor.
Radagast: Journey? You mean on foot??
Elrond: Well, yes.
Radagast: I can have three Eagles here in 36 hours.
(eyebrows rise around the Circle)
TWO WEEKS LATER: THE SHIRE
Sam: Well, we’re back.
(By way of Haibane)
December 21st, 2006 at 21:51 pm
How humorous is this. I never thought about that; but if those eagles could have plucked them off the mountain at the end, they sure could have brought them there to begin with. Of course, I would have another favorite book of all time had it happened this way.
My second favorite book could be shortened as well—The Count of Monte Cristo. I could see Edmund Dantes taking advice from Scott from Austin Powers. I’ll get a musket, we walk up behind Ferdinand and the others, and bam, they’re history.